While the majority of my experiences so far have been quite positive, some have been rather negative. These would be those "It's a good learning experience, right?" types of situations that shed light on personal discoveries and epiphanies.
And so, in the interest of full (and personal) disclosure, I have some confessions to make...
I do not have the patience.
If you know me at all, 'patience' would probably not be the first word you would use to describe my strengths or personality in general. And I'd have to agree--I have never really considered myself to be a patient person.
However, I have worked in various positions which required what some would consider to be at least a slightly above average level of patience. I taught dance class through high school to small, hyper children. I was the Chair of the College Democrats of Madison for one year (although who are we kidding, I certainly wasn't patient with that). And most importantly, I worked at Visitor and Information Programs on campus. For two years I learned how to deal with anxious parents, confused visitors, and annoyed community members. I mastered the technique of answering the same question a million times in one day. I dodged their bitterness, ignorance, and outright nastyness with a smile, followed by, "Is there anything else I can help you with?" I think all VIP members would agree that the job actually requires a great deal of patience.
So what's my problem? Coming into this, I didn't think that this in particular would be a challenge for me. I thought that surely my previous life experiences had improved my patient skills at least a little.
Nope. Turns out, at least in certain situations, those skills I once possessed are easily thrown out the window. Which is a fairly significant problem considering that teaching is another profession which absolutely requires a great deal of patience. Which brings me to the following confessions:
I have no patience for snotty kids. I can't stand privileged brats who waste my time and their parents' money. I lose it when a student shows up to class without their materials, even though I had reminded them one hundred times. And if they didn't even bother to bring a pencil, well then forget it. I am so out of there. Unappreciative, unwilling, disrespectful, I-couldn't-care-less, why-do-you-make-me-do-these-stupid-exercises students annoy the crap out of me. And I (almost) can't take it anymore. I mean, what are you supposed to do when you sit down in front of a kid with a perfectly fun and educational game at the ready, and instead of playing it you end up watching him chew, no, chomp, with his mouth open, his entire after-school sandwich for 25 minutes (seriously. 25 minutes.)?! And it doesn't matter how many other suggestions you make or how many times you ask him to save his snack for later. He just keeps on chewing without even a pause for a retort. Come on! What is up with that?!
*Disclaimer:
This confession refers almost entirely to my young learners. I do think I am pretty patient with my adult students. And I do enjoy those classes very much! It's with the kids that I lose it. Which I suppose is no surprise, really. I was never the nice girl down the street who you asked to babysit your kids. (In fact, I used to repeatedly ask my mom to remind our neighbors that I did not enjoy babysitting, and that their requests would be fruitless.) I do like to play with kids, and have always considered myself to be a kid-at-heart. They're funny, they're cute, and we learn a lot from each other. But as soon as I am responsible for them, or have to politely reprimand them, I simply lose my cool.
During my TEFL course, my trainers and peers would frequently comment that I demonstrated great patience with my students, and furthermore that I would make a great teacher for young learners. And I, too, also thought that I was doing quite well in that area and imagined myself working with kids.
However, I realize now that perhaps we were confusing patience with a different quality of mine: determination. I am absolutely determined to help my students understand our class material. I am determined that they improve their English. I am determined to be the best teacher I can be. So, I work very hard. I teach the material in as many ways I can think of until it is completely understood. I repeat myself as many times as it takes until my students respond correctly to what I say. Yes, I am determined. But patient? I'm not so sure.
And so perhaps the extreme differential between my classes with adults and with kids is where this differences comes into play. With kids, determination is simply not enough. You must have an extraordinary amount of patience also.
But where does this patience come from? Can it be learned? Or is it an inherent characteristic of a person? Is it something that requires practice and dedication? Or can it be motivated by a greater reward or incentive? And what do teachers say about it? I imagine that they too have their bad days when they simply want to close their books and walk out the door. But what prevents them from doing so? How do they overcome it?
And is it okay to have patience for some students but not for others? Why did I have the ability to carefully explain everything from student housing options, the features of the new Union South building, and directions to the bathroom every day with a positive attitude, but not to remind my students of the rules of the classroom once a week? Did my red polo really have that much magical power?
In the end, it probably comes to down to the cold truth that I am not a teacher for young learners, and probably mostly because I just don't like it. Yes, I like to play games and interact with them, but I seem to get much more enjoyment and growth out of my adult classes. Sure, I act like a kid most days, but that doesn't mean I have the skills necessary to teach them.Which is probably another important factor: I just don't have the training for this type of job. I am a brand new teacher, with only one month of training that was not necessarily geared towards young learners. I don't know the tricks of classroom management or quick games to pull out when they get antsy. And so perhaps with more experience, I would learn those skills and improve. But at least for now, at this moment in my teaching career, it's just not for me.
I don't care about teaching English.
Now, that sounds worse than it is. Of course I care about my job. And I definitely care a lot about teaching and broader education in general. I wholeheartedly believe that education is the key to your quality of life. It has the power to move mountains and change the world.
But I just don't feel like I'm changing lives here.
Now, I also love language learning. One of the things I most enjoy about teaching English is the fact that I have become part of the language learning process with my students. I have always had an interest in learning foreign languages. Indeed, one of my main reasons to live abroad was to improve my Spanish speaking skills. But as an English teacher, I have encountered a new manner in which to participate in language learning. Although it is true that I spend a lot of my day speaking in my native language, I still feel that my brain is actively engaged in a bilingual way, which has made my own language learning experience even more interesting. In fact, teaching English has actually helped me to improve my Spanish in many ways. By breaking down the English language and teaching it to Spanish students, I have developed a much better understanding of the nature of both languages--the differences and similarities between them and why students make certain mistakes in both. And all of that has been great.
However, when I consider teaching English in Spain as a life career, I don't feel that excited. For a semester or two, sure. It's a great excuse, I mean, way to live abroad. But I believe the reason for my less-than-thrilled sentiment is the nature of my classes. Most of my classes are either to young kids from well-off families or young professionals who are using English to further their careers. Now, that is certainly not to say that their experiences with me aren't valuable or their efforts not worthwhile. On the contrary, I am definitely helping them on their paths, and I feel good doing it.
But I think that satisfaction is short-sighted. I honestly think that at least later in life, I want to do something a little more-- something that has a real effect on people's lives. And teaching English in a conference room for 15 euros an hour just isn't it.
...But it's all part of the experience, right?
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